Long overdue

I knew it had been a while, but had no idea that I actually haven't posted since July. That is just insane. And of course, I was putting it off because I both had no idea what to write about, and also felt like there was just too much to update at the same time. But here I am, thanks mostly to Soulshine who checked in and asked for an update...

It is hard to believe, but the J-dog will be 18 months in a few weeks. He is so much more a little boy than a baby these days. He actually started daycare at the beginning of the school year, and seems to be doing really well there, though he has been through two different colds in the past three weeks. Today was the first day in a long time that I think he actually felt ok, and we had a lovely Indian summer day together. He is really into vehicles: all trucks, buses, firetrucks, garbage trucks, street sweepers, cement trucks, and most of all, diggers. Fortunately we have a wealth of all these things to choose from in our neighborhood on any given day. And I guess there is nothing unusual about this in an 18 month old boy, but I think it is pretty cute. And he can identify many different types of trucks in his truck books, pointing to the car carrier, or cement truck, etc when I ask him to show them to me.

Although he obviously has a very large receptive vocabulary (did I just make that term up?), he does not have too many actual words that he uses. He says mama, dada, meow-meow, up, door, and more. That's pretty much it for now. I'm expecting that he is just going to break out in full sentences someday soon. Some behavioral things that are annoying me are his new habits of pushing kids at the playground, and slapping me in the face. He does not respond very well to "No", and I am really trying to work on my serious, mean face to make him stop. I really loved "The Happi.est Bab.y on the Bloc.k" when he was tiny, but I recently bought the follow-up "Happi.est Toddl.er" and found it to be pretty silly. I have taken some of the advice, but really don't see the reason for,necessity of, speaking to him in "toddl.erese" when I'm trying to get him to speak in the first place. I guess that's the linguist in me - I only want to model correct language for him. So, I'm looking for some good suggestions for disciplining and preventing temper tantrums without treating him like a mini-Tarzan.

In terms of daycare, he was originally going the two days a week that I teach, but we added a third day when I am not at work so I can do prep work and house work at home. It has been the first time that I have had a whole day to myself to do things for myself, and though I was feeling guilty about it at first, it has been great. And totally worth the money. So, what else do I need to catch you all up on? I am back at work obviously, as the new semester started over a month ago. I do enjoy my teaching, but wish that I didn't have such a long commute. Coming home at the end of a very long day is grueling, especially when I know that I will only have about 20 minutes with the J-dog before he has to go to bed. And if I have a meeting after classes are over, then I don't get to see him at all. J picks up all the slack on my work days, both dropping the J-dog off and picking him up, as well as feeding him breakfast, getting him ready and out the door, and feeding him dinner too. So while I don't get much time with him on those two days, I am home with him on two other week days when I have him all to myself. I do consider myself lucky.

I have some other blog posts in my mind that I have been wanting to write for a while now, about how I am feeling about being a mother and a survivor of IF. I will try to get to those soon, before I am stuck having to write another long update. In the meantime, Soulshine asked for a picture, so here are a couple, riding his squirrel scooter with his new shoes on, playing with Daddy's shoes and snuggling a very tolerant kitty:

My little striped cooler bag

I have a little striped cooler bag, like a tote bag, that I bought at Target a couple of years ago now. I bought it to carry my meds on the plane to Colorado and used it for several (not sure how many, but definitely more than one) trips out there. It's not anything special, but I liked it because it kind of looks like a cute tote bag rather than so obviously being a cooler. I guess I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that I was carrying meds. Anyway, that cooler bag sat up on top of the cabinets in our kitchen for about a year or so and now it is getting regular use again. For picnics in the park with the J-dog. We take our lunch out to the park almost every day now that the weather is nice and eat together, either at his favorite playground or on the grass under a nice tree. It hangs on a hook in the hallway now for easier access, and the little guy likes to go get it and walk around the house with it too. I can't look at the bag without thinking of why I got it, and how it has a much happier purpose now.

I never know what to write anymore...

...but I'll give it a try. It has been another month since last I wrote, and I feel like such a bad blogger. But I know that a number of us out there who have crossed over from IF-land into motherhood don't always know what to do with ourselves on our blogs anymore. So I guess I'll just ramble a bit, if you care to follow along.

I am done with work again for the school year, actually have been done for a few weeks already. So I'm back into the swing of doing the mommy thing every day. While I am mostly happy about that, I do need to find more structure to our days. The weather has been rainy and dreary for a while, but I'd like to get into more of a regular schedule of outings for power-walks and blanket time in the park. The J-dog gets both frustrated and frustrating when we spend too much time cooped up in the house. He just wants to get into anything and everything. He will not let me play with either my iPhone or computer in his presence - he just wants to grab them and gets very angry when he can't have them. I actually gave him my old flip phone, which is no longer active but still turns on and has pictures and stuff on it. He manages to get it open and punch buttons, sometimes even "making calls". I don't know if it is bad to let him play with it, but he doesn't love his toy phones nearly as much. I figure it is not getting a signal, so it shouldn't be too bad. I do need to get all my photos off of it though - I have photos on there that I have nowhere else, like the picture of the J-dog as an embryo (along with that of the ill-fated Baby B) that the nurse took during my transfer. And a video of the J-dog on my chest after my C-section, in the recovery room. The two of us were all alone for the very first time (J had gone out across the street to a diner for some pancakes!) and I remembered that my phone had a video camera that I rarely used, so I shot some footage. Anyway, I'll feel a little better about letting him play with the phone once I've gotten all that stuff off of there.

So, we definitely have a little toddler on our hands. He is still not walking, but getting close. He is very opinionated and strong-willed. He wants to feed himself a lot, so I'm trying to get creative about finger foods for him. Any suggestions are welcome. He is still not really good about drinking from sippy cups. He has milk during his meals in a little spout cup that he doesn't have to suck on - it just pours out the little holes in the spout, so I have to monitor him. He is getting pretty good at that one. But I still give him water in a sippy cup that he has to bite down on a bit in order to suck. I'm not sure that he gets much from it. I tried a straw cup the other day and he seemed to have no idea what to do with it. I am still breastfeeding him twice a day and am loathe to stop until I know he can drink better from a cup, but maybe if I were to stop breastfeeding, he would feel more motivation to drink from the cup. Again, thoughts are welcome.

Since he doesn't drink much milk (maybe 1/2 cup a day), I still feed him formula with baby cereal mixed in during at least 2 of his meals. I usually also mix in some fruit or veggies. He likes it, but also needs to have his finger foods on his tray so he can alternate it with feeding himself. The pediatrician said that the formula and cereal were no longer necessary, but it just makes me feel better.

I'm working on teaching him some signs, and he knows how to do "more" and "milk" at this point. Sometimes he gets the two mixed up, but for the most part he is really good at both of them, especially "more". That is really fun. I want him to learn some other ones too. He still has not said any actual words verbally, though he makes the "dada" and "mama" sounds a lot, but just as babbles. I guess he will be talking and running all over the place soon enough.

The three of us are going to have a picnic in the park this afternoon, if we don't get hit with more rain. So I'm off to make us some food before the J-dog wakes up from his nap.

Thanks for following along with my random ramblings, if anyone is still out there!

Happy Birthday to the J-dog!

It is so hard to believe that our little baby is one year old already! The J-dog's birthday on Thursday was relatively uneventful, as I had to work, but we had a small birthday party on Saturday with just some close friends who have a baby the same age. There was brunch food and Bellinis for the grown-ups, and string cheese, melon pieces and Cheerios for the little ones. And of course, the piece de resistance - cupcakes! Although he got off to a slow start, the J-dog eventually dug in with gusto and enjoyed eating his first sweet treat. He obviously doesn't have too much of a sweet tooth, as he eschewed the icing for the cake itself, but the icing still managed to end up all over the place.

Present opening was spread over the course of several days, as he received oodles of loot. Favorites include a classic Chatter Telephone, a (pink!) watering can, and a little green dump truck from Mom and Dad (to go with his beloved little blue car). He also received some adorable outfits from friends and family, lots of good books, puzzles, stacking blocks and his first crayons and coloring books. Lots of things to keep us busy, and in style, for the next year!

As the first year milestone is upon is, so is the inquisitive mind and hard-headedness of a toddler. The J-dog's determinism has gotten him through the cat door of the gate that blocks off the rest of the house from the living room, so we have to be ever-vigilent to make sure he doesn't make a break for it. He gets better by the day at standing and cruising - we think he'll be walking soon. And he enjoys going to the park and crawling around to explore the grass and trees, while watching the joggers and bicycles go by. He is also a total flirt, smiling and waving at anyone who passes by. It is easy to see that he is a sweet boy with a vivacious personality. Even though he definitely keeps us on our toes and wears us out by the end of the day, every day continues to be a joy and an adventure. And as my semester is coming to an end soon, I'll be able to go back to spending all my days with my little boy as he continues his explorations of the world....and possibly some new adventures coming our way soon. Here is a picture from an outing in the park this past week. It is so fun to just go hang out with him as he watches the world go by.

Random ramblings

As I mentioned in my last post, of course there are lots of things to catch up on. I am constantly thinking of things that I need to write about here, and then just don't get around to it. The J-dog is keeping me on my feet. He is super-mobile and crazy active. Although not walking yet, he is a master crawler, and pulls himself up with ease. He also cruises, even with just one hand. But his stints at solo-standing only last about one second. So we'll see.

He also is not really saying any words but makes lots of sounds. He goes "brrrrrrrmmmm brrrrrrmmmmm" a lot, and not just associated with his little car. He also likes to click his tongue - we taught him that and now he will initiate click conversations. We reply with clicks and he gets a big kick out of it. Of course he is really good at the "mamamamama" sound, but only once or twice have I heard him stop at only two "ma's" where it actually sounded like "mama". Once was this morning, and he was repeating after I said "This is coffee for mama." So I am still waiting for the spontaneous production of the word with meaning.

I am constantly impressed with how good he is at playing by himself and keeping himself amused. Now that we have our living room baby-proofed to the gills, I can be in here on my computer while he plays. I am very proud of his independence. But I also love it when he crawls over to me, pulls up, and reaches his arms in the air to be snuggled. Or when he hands me a book and grunts.

It seems like I only just went back to work and now the semester is getting close to wrapping up. I only have one more month of school, and then will be back to having all my days with the J-dog. I actually have been enjoying working again, but this is the point in the semester when students start slacking off, so I get very frustrated with them and start looking forward to the end.

Amazing as it seems, the J-dog will be one year old in a few weeks! I guess I need to think about weaning, and I have very mixed feelings. I am actually amazed that I have made it this long and am still breastfeeding him 4 times a day. There are just 2 days a week when I am at work that he misses two of those sessions. He doesn't really take a bottle for the first missed session, but he does for the afternoon one, so I guess that dropping that late-morning session would be the natural thing to do, replacing it with a snack. I just can't bring myself to start doing that, even though I know that twice a week he does it and is fine with it. I think I would feel better about it if he were better at drinking from the sippy cup, but he still really doesn't take it. So far I have only been giving him water in it. I don't know if he would like it better if it were juice, but I am reluctant to start him on that. I am sort of waiting until he is a year so I can try milk. I guess he really is close enough that I could try now. Oh well.

So here is a final random rambling thought. I looked at all the people who follow my blog, and realized that I have no idea who most of you are! Most of the people who comment regularly aren't even signed up as "following" my blog, but I know you from blog land and the bulletin boards for you-know-where. But every now and then someone will come out of lurkerdom and comment on my blog (which I love!), but it makes me realize that I have an actual audience out there and have no idea how many there are, and who you are! I don't really have the right to complain about that, because I was a lurker for a long time in blog-land before I finally got the courage to speak up and start commenting, and then to start my own blog. I'm just curious. So if any of you want to pipe up and say hi, I would love it.

Ok, I'm off now. Today is J's birthday (I have two Aries men in my life!) and he is taking the day off. He is sleeping in now, and then I'm going to make him pancakes. I am mostly not a very good wife when it comes to cooking for him, but I want today to be a special day for him. Plus he mentioned a while ago that he wanted pancakes for his birthday... so how could I refuse?

Pure joy

As always, lots to catch up on. But for now, I just want to tell the story of one of the happiest mornings I have had in my whole life. It was actually only about an hour out of the morning, but filled with enough happiness to last the whole day. And of the simplest variety possible: I went out with my son on a lovely day to buy him a new pair of shoes.

The J-dog and I left the house to stroll over to our neighborhood kids' shoe store, to buy him his next pair of shoes - the pair he will most likely take his first steps in. It was a beautiful spring day, one of those days where you get a first glimpse of the glorious spring weather that will soon be here. Daffodils and other spring bulbs are popping up all over the city, and flowering trees are starting to bloom. It was 70 degrees and blue sky - just perfect. We went to the store and were helped by a super sweet salesman. We got an adorable pair of shoes (I can't believe I actually spent $54 on a pair of shoes that will last a matter of months!!!) that will be perfect for his precious little growing feet. And as we were leaving, the nice salesman brought us out a balloon, which he affixed to the stroller in a position where the J-dog could easily see it and reach the string. We strolled back out into the gorgeous day and proceeded home. The little guy was completely ecstatic about his new balloon. He was jerking the string around, bouncing the balloon up and down and laughing out loud in excitement the whole time. Busy New Yorkers were actually stopping to look at him and smile. Pure joy. It was such a simple thing and yet I have never felt so happy in my whole life.

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth...

I'm still here. As I said in my last post, (almost a month ago!) I am back at work. Even though it is only two days a week, they are two very busy days and then I have other class prep and grading that has to be done the other days or on the weekend. And taking care of the J-dog on all the other days is always fun, but still very tiring. It is hard to find a moment to breathe. We have the sitter on the two days that I go to work, but I really need to think about having her come a few more hours during the week so I can take a break or get some work done.

The J-dog is growing by leaps and bounds. He will be 10 months on Sunday and it seems like we have had so many milestones lately. He has been doing the army crawl for maybe three weeks now (I need to look that up), but last week I put him in "standard crawl position" and he just took off. So now he is crawling normally, though he sometimes reverts to the army crawl. He loves to chase the cats, and once even got one of their tails. We need to keep an eye on that, because I'm afraid one of these days they will lose their patience with him. And I just noticed last night that the poor little guy has bruises on his knees from the new crawling! We have an area rug and also his play mat in the living room, but the area between the two is hardwood, and he does travel all over. He also pulls himself up to kneel and plays with his musical table and stuff like that. But he is not yet pulling himself to stand.

About a month ago I tried to trim his bangs and made a horrible mess of it. They were totally too short and much shorter on one side that the other. So last weekend, after they had grown out a little, we finally took him to get his hair cut at a kiddy salon. It was awesome. He was so baffled about what was going on, and there was definitely a surplus of stimuli - his own TV playing Elmo, another TV past that also playing a different Elmo dvd, music, people talking at him, kids making noise, a woman blowing bubbles, and another woman wetting his hair and pawing at his head. He looked all around in awe for a few minutes, then started to get fussy. Fortunately the whole cut took all of 6 minutes and then it was done. He looks so incredibly handsome! It cost $30 and when I told one of my mom friends she was aghast at the price, but I think it was totally worth it. I mean, this woman had scissors within centimeters of my son's eyes, ears, neck - you want her to be good. And unlike in my case where I spend a pretty good amount of money to get my hair cut and expect my stylist to take her sweet time with me, you want this hair cut to be as fast as possible! Plus, we live in NYC - what do you expect to pay for a haircut?

He is just getting over his 4th cold in 2 months. This is getting a little absurd. This time he has had a cough with it, and sometimes when he coughs he starts crying. I think his throat hurts. Yesterday he had a tough day with the sitter, but I came home early and snuggled him and he fed for almost an hour and then seemed happier. He slept great last night and seems much better today.

He is doing a little better with the bottles with the sitter. He will drink about 5 ounces of breastmilk/formula combined once or twice a day. I feel like a baby his age should be drinking more than that at a time, but I'll take what I can get. His eating is great and he has started having little bite-sized pieces of things like melon, string cheese and Che.erios! So that is fun. The only thing is that he loves to pick them up and play with them, passing them from hand to hand, but then he waits for me to put other ones in his mouth. He doesn't quite have the concept that he can put food in his own mouth.

And he finally has a tooth coming in, which might have also contributed to yesterday's fussiness. There is just the tiniest sliver of one tooth poking out from the gum. He has been chewing on his fingers a lot and loves it when I rub his gums. But overall it doesn't seem to be bother him too much.

We are working on waving bye-bye. He did it for the very first time last night when the sitter was leaving. It was very cute. It was just a little floppy-wristed bounce of the hand, but it was definitely a bye-bye wave. And I think he is getting very close to saying "Dada" with meaning. That will most likely be his first word.

Oh, and this is the cutest thing of all. I taught him how to do an Eskimo kiss. So when I'm holding him facing me, I'll say "Eskimo! Eskimo kiss!" and he will lean into me and touch my nose with his nose, waiting for me to rub my nose back and forth. It is so sweet.

Ok, I lied. That was not the cutest thing. The cutest thing, or rather the most heartbreakingly sweet thing that he has ever done, was this past weekend when he crawled over to me, climbed up in my lap and pulled himself up to snuggle me. All by himself. Because he wanted to be with mama. I just melted. This is what it's all about.

Back to work!

Well, it's official. My maternity leave is over. The J-dog turned 9 months yesterday, so I guess that's a pretty good run. I am very thankful that I had all that time to spend with him, non-stop, and to really get into the whole mommy thing. But I have to say that it was actually good to get back to work. I wasn't too thrilled about it on my first day back, this past Tuesday, but by yesterday, I was much better. I am very lucky to only have to go to campus two days a week. Just like the schedule I had last spring when I was pregnant, it is two very intense days but then I am home the rest of the week. Of course I am still doing plenty of work from home, but to be here with him during that time is great. (I am going to have to start doing more work in the evenings and weekends though, but no big deal.)

We have a very fun, young and enthusiastic babysitter. I don't really want to call her a nanny because she doesn't really have that vibe. And she knows that this is a short-term gig, just through the semester. I'll be off for the summer and then we will re-evaluate our childcare needs. Plus we are hoping to move over the summer...where is still to be determined. Anyway, for now this is a good situation. She is silly and plays a lot with him, plus sings songs and brings various instruments to play for/with him.

In terms of eating/drinking, things are going pretty well. I was worried because he wouldn't take a bottle and doesn't do great with a sippy cup. We saw the doctor on Wednesday for his 9 month appointment, and she recommended that we keep trying the bottle at this point, because he wouldn't be able to get enough from a sippy cup for quite a while. She said we should just keep trying it. Sure enough, on Thursday morning he took a bottle of breastmilk. Hooray! The only problem is that I have not stockpiled very much at all (already used it this week in fact) and while I did decide to try to pump at work, so far I've only managed to get 2 ounces each day. So I'm doing it more to keep my supply up than to produce milk for him. Which means he's going to have to start drinking formula as well. I'm thinking of mixing the two together at first, and then gradually cutting down on the milk. Does anyone have experience with combining breastfeeding with occasional formula bottles?

Developmentally, things are a lot of fun. He is "crawling" (on his belly still), but can really get around. While he hasn't pulled himself up to standing, he loves to pull up on the couch arm if we are sitting there together. Today he learned how to open the kitchen drawer next to his highchair, and before I even noticed had pulled out the bottle opener. At least it wasn't anything sharp! So now I'm on alert. He has also been teething, and though nothing has popped out yet, the doctor said she could feel it right under the surface. When she pointed it out to me, I could actually see the outline. So really any day now I think. He hasn't been too fussy, though last week he did have a particularly bad day. I'm not used to him crying or fussing, so to have him keep breaking out in tears is new for me. But he is doing mostly better now.

Overall, he is a lot of fun. He laughs and claps his hands, and loves playing with all the new toys and books he got for Christmas. He is really enjoying our music class, which is now with the mixed ages group. Again, he claps along to the music and bounces.

A final note - as I was writing this entry, I heard him wake up and peeked on the video monitor - he was sitting up! I have only seen him get himself to sitting once before, on Wednesday morning. So this is a new thing. Every day brings something new and exciting. I just hope I don't miss anything too big on the days that I am away from him.

Happy New Year!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday season and a very Happy New Year! The J-dog's first Christmas was full of travels, lovely sunny weather, lots of California family, oodles of gifts and lots of joy. As always, he was a perfect trooper on the trip, napping on cue and delighting in meeting lots of new people. And of course, of all the gifts we received this year, the J-dog tops them all.

The little guy is getting more and more mobile everyday. Sitting up is a breeze now, and though we still put a pillow behind him to catch him if he falls, he can now usually catch himself. The expression on his face when he realizes he is about to fall is priceless. And while he can't sit himself up yet, he can transition from sitting to lying on his belly. If he sees something that he wants on the other side of his play mat, he will roll from sitting onto his belly, and then either roll over several times like a log until he gets to it, or scoot himself forward like an army guy, pulling himself with his elbows and pushing with his knees. Still not exactly crawling though. But we are going to be buying him a play yard fence for the living room very soon. We did lower his crib mattress to the lowest setting because he is also just about ready to pull himself up to standing. He has been practicing in his little bathtub, where he grabs the front of the tub and pulls himself up, doing a naked imitation of Le.onardo DiC.aprio in T.itanic - "I am the king of the world!"

Although the little guy doesn't know it yet, I am getting ready to go back to work in just two weeks. I have very mixed feelings about it, but am lucky to have to teach only 2 days a week, so we can still have lots of good quality time on all those other days. We have hired a very nice and energetic young woman to take care of the J-dog on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Now we just need him to master using his sippy cup so he can have formula a couple times a day (he still refuses to drink from a bottle, so we are moving straight to the cup). Though he still hasn't had more than a few sips in this manner, I assume that when I'm not around and he has no other choice, he will drink it. If not, he is a big eater and will survive on his formula mixed with cereal, veggies, fruits, yogurt, tofu, turkey, chicken and the like. I know that he will not starve. Wish us luck! (And if anyone has any suggestions to help with this matter, let me know.)

As I said above, I have very mixed feelings about going back to work. It is so strange to think that I have not been in the classroom since mid-April. In a way I do miss it, and I miss having a reason to get dressed up and leave the house. I miss my colleagues and having grown-up time. But all of that pales in comparison to how much I am going to miss the J-dog on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I will have to leave right after he gets up in the morning, at 7:30, and won't be home until just before bedtime, at 6. I know so many people have to work that long every day of the week, and I am so lucky to have had the chance to stay with him as long as I have, as well as to have a two day schedule. Plus, it is only for a few months this time around, until early May, and then it will be summer again. We'll deal with the next semester when the time comes, but there is a good chance that some changes may be happening in our family. Good changes. But more on that later.

Once again, a wonderfully happy new year to you all. For those of you who are still struggling to reach your dreams, I hope this will be your year.

Mama bear

I have been meaning to write this post for over a week now, but oh well. So, week before last, we had to take the J-dog for a little surgical procedure. We have known that he would need it since birth and it wasn't a major surgery (let's just say it involved his little boy parts), but it did require general anesthesia, which was of course our main concern. We waited until he was past 6 months so he would be strong and healthy for the anesthesia, but we didn't want to wait too long because we didn't want him to have any memory of it. We had been worrying about it since he was born, but I am very glad to say that it went off seamlessly and it's all behind us now.

We had it done at Co.rnell, which is funny because we opted against going for IF treatments there. But it is an excellent facility and we were very pleased. The only hitch was that they were running late (the father of the patient before us left their films at home and had to go back for them - loser!), and we had to with-hold food and water for 5 hours before the procedure was scheduled. So the J-dog was getting pretty hungry, but he did great and even had an hour long nap in the waiting room.

So, the title of this post comes from the decision as to which one of us would be the one to carry the J-dog into the operating room and be with him as they put him to sleep. I was really, really scared to do it, because I had this awful fear that he wasn't going to wake up from the anesthesia (there was a horrible story on our local news a few months back of a baby who went for a similar procedure at some hospital in the Br.onx and that happened to him - they gave him too much). Plus, I just get all queasy and fainty in hospital settings (although I have admittedly come a long, long way thanks to all my IVFs and also my c-section). J was more than willing to go in with him, in fact he assumed that I just wouldn't be able to handle it. But I knew that when it came down to it, the J-dog was going to want his mama there, and I needed to be the one to do it. So I sucked it up and put on the smurf suit and hat and shoes. The little guy was decked out in a tiny little hospital gown with clowns on it (scary!). I carried him back toward the operating room, we said goodbye to his dad at the end of the hall, and then proceeded down the long hallway. As we got close, I felt like I was going to faint. But I had my baby in my arms and knew that wasn't an option. When we entered the bright room, he was looking all around, curious about everything. He did not cry at all, even with all the funny people in green outfits with masks on. I kept talking to him in a cheery voice and then put him down on the tiny inflated warming blanket (shaped like a little gingerbread man to hold him in place on the full-sized operating table). Then they put the mask over his face and he started crying and struggling. I kept talking in his ear and telling him how good he was, and he quickly fell asleep. They let me lift my mask to kiss him tummy and then the nurse took me out. I walked out the door and could see J at the very end of the hall, looking at me through the window of the double doors. As I walked down the long hall, I could see his face and tell that he was crying, so I started to cry too. I came through the doors and we hugged so hard. I assured him that everything was fine, the J-dog had done great. He told me how proud he was of me for going in there with him, and I said I had to do it - I'm the mama bear and he's my little cub. I would do anything to protect him.

The wait seemed interminable, but after almost 2 hours the doctor came to find us in the waiting room and said that everything had gone great. We went up to recovery where we were told we could go immediately, so we would be there when he woke up, and he was already awake! The anesthesiologist said he had just woken up and was doing great. He wanted to be picked up and to eat right away, so I fed him right next to the bed with his little IV attached. The recovery room reminded me of those I'd been in after all my retrievals and J and I talked about how he would come in to sit by my side and wait for me to wake up. It was a strange circuit of events.

We brought him home soon after, and as soon as we got in the door he vomited everything he had eaten all over himself and the car seat. I stripped him out of his clothes, wrapped him in a plushy blanket and sat down with him in the glider in his nursery. He was very pale and obviously nauseated, so I held him and let him nurse a little more, and rocked him until he fell asleep. He slept in my arms for about 30 mins, and the whole time I just marveled at him and realized how lucky we were to have him, and how many other parents have to take their babies for surgeries and procedures that are not at all as benign. I just can't imagine how hard that must be.

After that initial bout of nausea, he was just fine. Recovery was very fast, he didn't even really seem to need his pain meds and he returned to his usual cheerful self the very next morning. I am a truly lucky mama bear with the best little cub in the world.

Giving Thanks (Updated with photo)

I have been thinking about this post for a while. Of course it comes as no surprise that this particular Thanksgiving is pretty much the absolute best one in recent memory. I wrote a similar post last year at this time, but at that point we still didn't have an idea of how much we truly had to be thankful for. This year all we have to do is look into the deep, gorgeous, dark eyes of our little J-dog and truly understand the meaning of this holiday. Listen to his magical laughter, sniff his sweet head, stroke his incredibly soft skin. All day long I've been soaking him in, and thinking about the pain that past Thanksgivings have brought me. As low as those lows were, well, the high now is almost the polar opposite. But it is bittersweet too. I still remember that pain and it brings tears to my eyes. And I think of all the people out there who are still struggling and wish I could just reach in that pit and pull them out. So today I am beyond thankful for our beautiful, sweet boy and our - finally- family.

We had a very low-key day, just the three of us. This morning we went out to Central Park, just catching a glimpse of the parade balloons down the road in the far distance as we crossed into the park. It was an absolutely gorgeous autumn day here in NYC. Perfect. We went to the playground for the first time all together and put the J-dog in the swings. We took a million pictures of him. He went down the slide for the first time with his dad. And we took more pictures in front of a brilliantly yellow ginko tree. A happy little family. And then we came home and did some prep for dinner. I made a turkey, but had ordered all the side dishes from Fre.sh Dir.ect. For those who aren't from NYC, this service is my savior. They deliver all kinds of groceries, including fresh meals. I could have wimped out completely and gotten a turkey, but it was fun to at least make that. Our kitchen is super-tiny, so this was a great way to go. So we had dinner all together for the very first time. Usually the J-dog has his solid food meal around 5 or 5:30, so we just joined him. He had his own version of our meal - ground turkey, green beans, sweet potatoes and yellow squash. I actually can't even believe how much he ate! Just like us, he filled his belly. It was so nice to sit around the table as a family. A real family.

To everyone out there still reading this blog, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am especially thankful once again for the support you have giving me throughout this journey.

Rolling right along

Every day is an adventure with the J-dog, who seems to be growing before our very eyes. In the past week, he has finally perfected the art of rolling from his tummy to his back. For a while there he would roll over to his tummy in the middle of the night, and get stuck. He was apparently not happy to be there, and would cry until we went to roll him back over. On our pediatrician's recommendation, we stopped going to turn him over, which resulted in a bit of crying at first, but then he not only learned to roll back over, but he also realized that he likes sleeping on his tummy too. So peace has returned to the household. Now we put him down on his tummy on his blanket during the day to practice and he promptly rolls right over. He also enjoys his tummy-time a lot more than he did in the past. He is starting to scoot around a bit on his blanket when he is on his tummy, and we think he is starting to work on the motions for crawling.

He loves to be upright, but still can't sit up on his own. We got a great new bouncer activity seat that lets him be upright and in charge of turning himself all around, where he can reach all kinds of fun toys. He seems to be becoming much more independent in his playing, amusing himself for quite a while on his own. But then he realizes he's by himself and cries out, reaching up in the air to be picked up when I arrive, which melts my heart!

Although we do not actually have a Halloween costume for him, we have several cute outfits which will be worn throughout the day. And our block association has a big party on our street for Halloween, closing off the street to traffic. Everyone goes down to their stoops to give out candy, and kids come from all over to trick or treat on our street. We saw a bit of it last year, and are looking forward to going downstairs on Monday evening to see all the kids parade by. The J-dog will be dressed up in a skeleton outfit and will help us give out candy for as long as he can stay awake. Next year will probably be a little more exciting for him, and we will definitely get a costume then.

Happy Halloween to everyone!

Eating

We had the J-dog's six month appointment last week, and were a bit surprised to learn that he has not been gaining enough weight since his last appointment at four months. He only gained 7 ozs in two months! He went from being in the 50th percentile to just around the 5th. Our doctor was wonderfully calm about it and asked me how often I breast feed him every day. I wasn't exactly sure, but said around five, I guess. And how many supplemental meals of baby food? Usually 2. I told her how much he loved eating his new foods, and how he would cry when I was done feeding him. I was so sure that I was feeding him plenty, because it seemed like he was eating a ton. But apparently the crying wasn't just because it was so yummy, but because he was still HUNGRY! How stupid of me.

Also, at our last visit I told her how he was starting to get distracted while feeding, and would tug on me and look all around. She said it was ok for me to cut him off if he started doing that, but in retrospect that was probably a mistake. I was also in the habit of just giving him one breast at each feeding, so he would fully drain it. I guess all of these things combined to contribute to his low weight gain. So the doctor told me to just up his extra meals to 3 a day, and let him eat as much as he wants at each one.

While I have been doing 3 meals on some days, it is often hard to fit in that many, what with the breastfeeding and naps as well. But, I think I am on a much better rhythm overall. First of all, we start the day in bed in the morning with a very leisurely feed on BOTH sides. This is actually really nice, because by the end of the second side, he will sometimes fall back asleep and we will snooze together. I love that! Then we get up and play for just a little in his new activity bouncy seat, before having breakfast. He will have a nice bowl of oatmeal, with some fruit (bananas, or pears or prunes) or maybe some sweet potato or butternut squash (for some reason I have a hard time thinking of giving him peas or zucchini for breakfast...). I let him eat as much as he wants. He is much more relaxed about it now, and not frantic, because he has had a good feeding beforehand. Also, we got a real high chair, which helps a lot too. Before I was feeding him in his Bum.bo chair on the kitchen counter, which caused him to lurch forward into the food a lot.

Next he goes down for his morning nap, and indeed it seems to help him sleep longer too! This morning he had an hour and 15 min nap, whereas they used to never last more than 45 mins. So I guess that having a full belly helps him sleep longer.

The rest of the day is a little less structured - either a music or yoga class at mid-day, or just hanging out until the next nap and then going out after for a walk or shopping. Sometimes I'll take him out for a walk after his first nap, and then he'll fall asleep for his second nap in the stroller and I'll do some fun shopping for me. I'm continuing to make sure that he starts on the breast that he finished on at the last feeding, and then switch to the other. I know this is what many people consider normal, but I had always felt that he seemed satisfied and done after finishing just one. I'm worried that maybe my supply has diminished because of this, so hopefully it will increase as I continue these new habits.

In the late afternoon he will have another meal, this time with both a green veggie and an orange one, and then a fruit too. Sometimes he takes a third nap, but sometimes he doesn't. Then it's bath time, another feed and bed!

So, I'm hoping that by implementing these new feeding habits, we will get him back on track and gaining weight like a champ. (He is 27 inches long, and weighs 14 lbs 10 ozs.)

I know I also promised an assessment of my new Baby Bre.zza baby food maker. I will just say that it is incredibly easy to use, easy to clean and small enough to store on my tiny kitchen counter. It will automatically puree after it is done steaming, but you can also set it to do just one or the other separately, which is handy. So far I have made peas, zucchini, green beans, butternut squash, sweet potato (these I baked in the oven and then pureed in the Bre.zza), apples and pears. He likes pretty much everything, though I would say maybe he isn't super-fond of the zucchini yet. Today he had 1/2 of an avocado mashed up, and he loved that! It was only the second time he has had it - the first time was at the very beginning and I didn't give him too much. And of course he loves bananas too.

I'm super tired right now, so this post is a bit disjointed, but I didn't want to put off writing it any longer. I have been so bad about blogging. But on the plus side, I've been having fun hanging out with the J-dog, which doesn't leave me a lot of time for the computer.

Born to travel

Perhaps because we had to travel in order to create our little J-dog, and indeed I was on a plane with "him" before he was even 3 days old in-utero, but I have to say that he is a natural-born traveler. Our trip to Italy was a huge success, and as suspected, he charmed the pants off of everyone he encountered along the way. Everything went very smoothly, and I was very impressed to see how many people were so helpful to me as a mom traveling by myself. I did curbside check-in, which was great, and the guy helped me with all my stuff all the way up to security inside the airport. (I was only checking one medium-sized suitcase, but then had to take with me to the gate the umbrella stroller, the car seat in a nifty backpack, a giant tote bag that also contained my diaper bag, my purse, and of course - the J-dog!) I initially had him in the carrier when going into the airport, but the Skycap recommended that I put him in the stroller because with the stroller in its bag, it looked like I had too much luggage. I was pretty sure I was entitled to all that stuff, but took his advice. That meant that I had to take J out of the stroller to go through security, and fold the stroller and put it on the belt. I was struggling to do this with him in my arms when a nice young woman behind me in line swooped in and took J from my arms. At first I was a little freaked because it happened so fast, but she was just standing there smiling and bouncing him, and I realized that she didn't speak any English but was just being helpful. So once I knew that this wasn't some international baby-snatching ring, I smiled in appreciation. And then the security woman came and whisked me through the gate - I'm not even sure if we went through a metal detector or not. We got through so quickly and the other security guys brought all my stuff over to another table where I thought they were going to inspect it, but they were just putting it there to get it off the belt so I could get myself re-organized again. Very nice.

I got to the gate 2 hours prior to departure because I had been told that to get a bulkhead seat and a bassinet, it was first-come, first-served at the gate. Of course no one showed up until about 45 mins before the flight. She was able to give me a bulkhead, but said that there was no bassinet on this plane. Let me just say that this was about the 5th different piece of information I had been given about bassinets. When I booked the flight months ago, they told me I could call reservations 48 hours ahead of time to request one. On a later call, I was told they were first-come, first-served at the gate. Then my dad, who actually took this same flight 5 days earlier than I did, called after he checked in to say that the woman at the desk in the Admir.als Club (yes, it was Am.erican) told him that they were now selling those seats and that I should call reservations to purchase one. I called and was again told it was first-come, first-served at the gate! So many different messages. So when the gate agent told me there was no bassinet on the plane, I just laughed. There was no place to put the car seat, so I gate-checked it. But I had brought it just in case there was an empty seat next to me. Plus, I did not want to risk the airline losing it, so did not want to check it. I'm happy with that choice. However, on the return flight I was told at check-in that it was a full flight and I went ahead and checked it. I knew that if I had to, I could use a car-service with a car seat to get home if they lost it.

Anyway, back to the flight. We got on the plane and got settled in, next to a nice enough guy who was pretty gracious about being next to a baby. When the flight attendants came for drink service, I asked if it would be ok to make a nest for the baby on the floor at my feet, since there was some extra room. He said, oh, let me get you the bassinet! Well what do you know! There was indeed a bassinet on the plane, right over our seat. He got it down, hooked it into the wall of the bulkhead in front of me. I had already fed the J-dog on take-off and he was getting ready to go to sleep (it was a little past his bedtime already). I rocked him a bit and tucked him into the bassinet, which was just barely long enough for him, and he fell asleep! He slept for pretty much the entire flight, until the sun started to come up and they came around with breakfast. So he was just great!

We were met at the airport by a dear old friend of mine, and he took us to his lovely apartment. We hung out, had a nap, and got settled into Italian time. I have to say that the J-dog got pretty well adjusted to the time change in about a day or two. It was great. We had a lovely long weekend in Milan with my friend and his partner (who by the way are embarking on their own journey to become fathers through an egg donor and gestational carrier here in the US, in California...that is another story in itself. But gay adoption is illegal in Italy, so this is their only option. More on that in another post.)

After three days, my friend drove us up to Lake Co.mo where we met up with my parents at an amazing villa owned by a colleague of my father. We had a lovely time the whole week, taking walks down to the town, going for a boat ride to Bella.gio, another to the town of Co.mo for some shopping (twice actually), eating lovely lunches out and having simple suppers at home in the evening after the J-dog went down to sleep. We got into a really nice rhythm and I have to say, it was hard to leave. I guess it would have been hard for anyone to leave, but I have to explain that I used to live in Italy, and at one point in my life thought I would stay there for good. I speak the language of course, and feel very much at home there. So coming home was bittersweet. Of course we both missed J very much and couldn't wait to see him. But a part of me felt it would be pretty neat to stay there for a much longer time.

On our last day at the lake, my friend came back up from Milan for the day and we just hung out, talking. I realized how much I miss him too, being able to just pick up right where we left off. (We have known each other for over 20 years, when he was an exchange student in high school. Indeed, he is the reason I started studying Italian in the first place, in college.) I told him that I was going to try to make more of an effort to get over to Italy more often, in the summers when I am not teaching. I would really like the J-dog to learn Italian, though it is difficult to speak to him in Italian at home since it seems strange to speak to him in a language that is not my mother-tongue (there is a reason they call it a mother-tongue, right??) But I did get him a bunch of books in Italian, and will make an effort to read them to him and talk a bit in Italian. I would love to be able to get an Italian nanny for him here in New York, but I'm sure it will cost me more. We'll see.

So, I will post a few pictures from our trip.

The Cathe.dral in Mi.lan

Chasing Pigeons

Getting ready for a nap


Detail of the villa. Our window is the one with closed shutters at the very top.

Our room. I love the sky on the ceiling. And they were very nice to provide us with a crib, though I'm not so sure about the color!

And someone didn't get the memo about no pillows or sheets for an infant, but I love extra pillows and made good use of this one for myself.

View of the lake from the waterfront of the town where we stayed.

Waiting for the boat.

He loved riding on the boats!

The Cath.edral in Co.mo.

Our trip home was very easy too, especially since my parents were making it with us. We were given 3 bulkhead seats together in the center, and also got a bassinet. He did not sleep very much on the way back though as it was daytime, but he ate a lot and got passed around between the three of us, so it was fine. I breezed through security in Milan, they even let him stay in the stroller, but "frisked" him under the seat, etc. I had several bottles of water as mothers are entitled to, but they made me taste it. Overall I have to say that traveling with a baby this age is pretty easy. It just takes some extra planning and strategic packing. I usually over-pack for myself but was very good about taking only 5 outfits for me for the 10 days. And only 3 pairs of shoes, which for me is unheard of!

That's enough for today I think. Next entry I'll let you know how feeding solids is going, and how I like the Bre.zza...(hint - very much!)

Five months!

Wow, I knew it had been a while since I updated, but didn't realize I'd let another month go by. Sorry for being such a bad blogger. In the meantime, we are at another month birthday for Mr. Bean. Actually, I am tired of calling him Mr. Bean, as that is so "in-utero". I am now going to call him what we often call him at home - the J-dog. Because that is his first initial, though he is not named for his dad. (And it is a reference to The Flight of the Conch.ords, a silly show we love.)

So, we had a great first family vacation in Cape Cod. We survived the hurricane with very little problem (it was mostly a lot of wind and we lost power for about 4 hours, but that's it). The J-dog seemed to really like the beach and the waves, though he did not enjoy having his toes dipped in the cold water.

Since returning from vacation, he has graduated from sleeping in a bassinet in our room to sleeping in his own big crib in his own room. He made the transition with no problem whatsoever - it was Mom and Dad who missed having him with them and were very sad. We have become pretty obsessive about watching him on our video monitor, to see what adorable sleep position he has assumed.

It's a good thing that we do have that video monitor, because we are able to see when he has rolled himself over onto his belly and gotten stuck. He can only roll one way, and then gets upset when he can't get himself back over to his back. He kept me on my toes for several hours on Friday night - continuously rolling back onto his tummy every time I left the room. It might be some sort of ploy to get me to come in for a visit! I will say that he has gotten better at doing his tummy time during the day though, because he has been practicing in his crib at night.

The J-dog has started eating some "solid" foods. So far it is more an exercise of practicing swallowing and getting used to a spoon, as well as exploring some new flavors. He just has one "snack" a day for now, and still gets all his real meals from nursing. We didn't really mean to start him on banana first, but it is often recommended as a natural first choice for baby food because it can just be mashed up without cooking. So last weekend on a lark I gave him a little taste when I was having my own breakfast and it was love at first bite. Since then we have introduced whole grain brown rice cereal, which he likes ok, and avocado which he likes more than the cereal but not as much as the banana. Next step will be to try some steamed and pureed veggies - I just hope that I haven't spoiled him by giving him the sweet fruit first. I plan to buy a baby food maker - I wasn't going to initially, but our kitchen is really small and I think I'd rather have a small appliance on the counter than have to deal with a pot with a steamer and then also a blender or food processor, both of which live high up on a shelf and rarely come down. I'm thinking of getting the Br.ezza - any thoughts?

So, as for the next adventure - the J-dog and I are headed to Italy this week. Yes, Italy. And yes, we are going without J. I will be flying over there on my own with the baby, but will be met at the airport by an old friend. We will stay with him for 3 days, and then will meet up with my parents who will be at a villa on Lake Como that belongs to a friend of my dad's. I just couldn't pass up this opportunity for a free trip (thanks to my parents) to Italy with the J-dog, since I am not teaching this semester. Fortunately we will all fly back to NYC together so they can help me with the J-dog on that portion of the trip. The flight over is at night, so he should sleep the whole way (please, please, please!), but the return is during the day so there will be lots of passing the baby around and entertaining him. I just hope he'll have some nice long naps.

I really do need to get better at the shorter, more frequent posts - I know it would be easier for me to find the time to write them, as well as for you guys to read. Thanks for your patience!

Just say thanks...

That's what I need to learn to do when someone tells me that Mr. Bean has my eyes. Because apparently his eyes do look like mine, or so I've been told several times. The first time was by a friend of mine who commented on a photo I posted on Fac.ebook. I could have sworn that I had told her we used donor egg, so I was confused by her comment. I did write to her to clear it up though, just because she is a good friend (though admittedly we've been a little out of touch over the last year) and for some reason I didn't want to feel like I was "putting one over" on her. I think because I knew if it were me in her place, I would want to know precisely so I would not look foolish by making such a comment. Anyway, she wrote me back and apologized for not realizing (I had indeed written her about it when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't really dwell on the egg donor part, so she hadn't noticed), and also for making me feel uncomfortable about the comment. There were absolutely no hard feelings, and I'm glad that I did let her know. But when I told J about it, he thought I was a little weird. He didn't see why I felt like I needed to tell her. I explained that it was just because she was a good friend.

So the next day I went to my Mommy and Me yoga class. The owner of the studio stopped by at the end of the class. She had been my teacher for pre-natal yoga and had not seen me since the week before my c-section, when I was desperately trying to get Mr. Bean to turn. When she saw him, she immediately said, "Oh, he's got your eyes!" I was once again surprised, because I forget that there isn't a big sign posted on his onesie that says "donor egg baby". I pulled myself together and said "You think so? That's so nice!" And that's just what I'm going to say from now on.

We are mostly packed up for our vacation - we leave tomorrow morning as soon as we pick up the rental car and get it loaded up with all our stuff. I can't believe how much stuff is needed for a two week trip to the beach with a baby. And I'm sure we'll both take too much, and also forget something. Oh well. All we really need is the three of us. This is our first family vacation together, and I'm looking forward to starting a tradition.

Finally, Mr. Bean is 4 months old today. He had his 4 month doctor's appointment and everything looks great.

I'll be off the air for a couple of weeks and am wishing R at One Egg Please all the best with her delivery next week!!!

Picture this

I have had a few requests for pictures of Mr. Bean, especially from Mrs. MTL. I want to explain my, probably, overly protective reasons for not posting identifiable photos. First of all, this is the internet and not password protected, and I just don't have any idea who is reading this blog. Although I have done my best to remain anonymous, I have given enough details of dates and other things that it is entirely possible that someone, and in particular our egg donor who knows what our match date and retrieval dates were, could identify us. Let me state for the record that although we did use an anonymous donor, I would not be adverse to meeting her down the line, or to having her see pictures of Mr. Bean. But I would want to be in control of that situation. (So, if you are reading donor, feel free to email me. But I'm not going to try to track you down or anything, so don't worry.)

That being said, I have started thinking more about our donor lately, and sometimes with sadness. I'm of course overjoyed to have our beautiful little boy, and for the most part I don't think of him as being anything other than 100% ours. But as he gets a little bigger and starts to have more facial expressions, we have been looking for signs of J in him. And while we often do find features that look like J, I've started noticing ways in which he looks like the childhood photos we have of our donor. We have been taking tons of pictures of him, and every time we load new photos on the computer we go through them very carefully, looking and commenting about each one. The other night there was a picture that really struck me. I shouldn't have said anything, but instead I remarked how his expression and eyes really looked like a photo we have of the donor. J agreed. And then he went and pulled up the donor photo, and put the two side by side. For some reason it made me really sad to see such concrete evidence that our baby is the product of her DNA. He asked me if I was ok, and could see that I was getting teary. He apologized for pulling up the picture, realizing that maybe he shouldn't have done it. I've just been trying not to think about it. I know I'll get over it, especially as he continues to grow into his own unique person.

Another anniversary

One year ago today, little Mr. Bean and I were united for the first time, and we've been inseparable ever since! Happy Transfer Day little guy.

In other big news, I got AF last night! I can't say I've missed it over the last year, but it is also kind of nice to have things back to "normal".

And on a related topic, I'm starting to think about birth control again. My OB gave me a prescription for the mini-pill, assuring me that it is safe, but I'm not sure that she is on top of the risks associated with hormones in a woman who has done multiple IVF stim cycles. I wonder if any of you out there have come across any studies or evidence that I should stay away from the hormones? I guess the mini-pill has no estrogen, just progesterone.

It does seem pretty absurd to me to have to even think about birth control; I mean what are the chances? And J. is planning to get a vasectomy, but I'm not sure how soon that will be. We do still need to discuss it, but if we were to try for another baby we would most likely just try with our frozen embryos and if that didn't work, we would be done. Or, I suppose we could even do another DE cycle with his sperm, which can still be extracted from him surgically. Or, I think we still have a back-up sample from him on ice at CCRM. So we have plenty of possibilities. And while there is also this tiny little fantasy inside me of having a miracle baby, I would be too afraid of having some abnormalities. Finally, when it comes right down to it, I have to admit that most likely Mr. Bean will be our one and only. Who could really ask for anything more?

Happy Conception Day Mr. Bean!

One year ago today, our little bundle of joy was created in a lab in Colorado. And today he is a laughing, kicking, squirming baby boy. It is so strange to think how far we have come, how far he has come, from a few splitting cells to the bigger than life baby he is now. What a difference a year makes.

We just got back from our trip this morning. I decided to stay away almost a week longer than originally planned, so I could spend more time with my family and also get a ride back to NYC with my parents rather than come back with J last Sunday by public transportation. We had a great time and Mr. Bean got to meet his little cousins, ages almost 5 and 2. They were very taken with him and did a great job of keeping him entertained. It was very sweet to see. And I really enjoyed my time out of the city, taking in the country air. It made me start to think more about how nice it would be to not live in the city any more. Fortunately we have got another nice vacation coming up in another 2 weeks, when we head out to Cape Cod. I could get used to this life of not working!

Mr. Bean's first out of town adventure

We are all packed and ready to get out of the hot city! This is our first little vacation with the little guy. Actually my parents are picking up just me and Mr. Bean tomorrow and driving us up to New Hampshire, where we'll meet up also with my sister and her kids. J will meet us up there next week. I'm hoping that we will survive the long car ride. He has only been in a car twice - once home from the hospital and once for another doctor's visit uptown when he was just a week old. Both times in taxis, and for less than 20 minutes. So this will definitely be new.

I know that it is hot all over the country right now, but we had temps of 104 in Central Park today - ugh! I wouldn't have gone out except I had finally managed to re-schedule that hair appointment that I had to cancel back in June. So I left the two men at home and ventured out to get my hair cut for the first time since last August! I'm so happy to finally have a style to my hair again. It was also the first time I'd been on the subway since April - it's crazy how insular my life has become. And I haven't left the city since we went to California for Christmas, so this will be a much needed vacation.

Off to bed - we leave early in the morning....