Eating

We had the J-dog's six month appointment last week, and were a bit surprised to learn that he has not been gaining enough weight since his last appointment at four months. He only gained 7 ozs in two months! He went from being in the 50th percentile to just around the 5th. Our doctor was wonderfully calm about it and asked me how often I breast feed him every day. I wasn't exactly sure, but said around five, I guess. And how many supplemental meals of baby food? Usually 2. I told her how much he loved eating his new foods, and how he would cry when I was done feeding him. I was so sure that I was feeding him plenty, because it seemed like he was eating a ton. But apparently the crying wasn't just because it was so yummy, but because he was still HUNGRY! How stupid of me.

Also, at our last visit I told her how he was starting to get distracted while feeding, and would tug on me and look all around. She said it was ok for me to cut him off if he started doing that, but in retrospect that was probably a mistake. I was also in the habit of just giving him one breast at each feeding, so he would fully drain it. I guess all of these things combined to contribute to his low weight gain. So the doctor told me to just up his extra meals to 3 a day, and let him eat as much as he wants at each one.

While I have been doing 3 meals on some days, it is often hard to fit in that many, what with the breastfeeding and naps as well. But, I think I am on a much better rhythm overall. First of all, we start the day in bed in the morning with a very leisurely feed on BOTH sides. This is actually really nice, because by the end of the second side, he will sometimes fall back asleep and we will snooze together. I love that! Then we get up and play for just a little in his new activity bouncy seat, before having breakfast. He will have a nice bowl of oatmeal, with some fruit (bananas, or pears or prunes) or maybe some sweet potato or butternut squash (for some reason I have a hard time thinking of giving him peas or zucchini for breakfast...). I let him eat as much as he wants. He is much more relaxed about it now, and not frantic, because he has had a good feeding beforehand. Also, we got a real high chair, which helps a lot too. Before I was feeding him in his Bum.bo chair on the kitchen counter, which caused him to lurch forward into the food a lot.

Next he goes down for his morning nap, and indeed it seems to help him sleep longer too! This morning he had an hour and 15 min nap, whereas they used to never last more than 45 mins. So I guess that having a full belly helps him sleep longer.

The rest of the day is a little less structured - either a music or yoga class at mid-day, or just hanging out until the next nap and then going out after for a walk or shopping. Sometimes I'll take him out for a walk after his first nap, and then he'll fall asleep for his second nap in the stroller and I'll do some fun shopping for me. I'm continuing to make sure that he starts on the breast that he finished on at the last feeding, and then switch to the other. I know this is what many people consider normal, but I had always felt that he seemed satisfied and done after finishing just one. I'm worried that maybe my supply has diminished because of this, so hopefully it will increase as I continue these new habits.

In the late afternoon he will have another meal, this time with both a green veggie and an orange one, and then a fruit too. Sometimes he takes a third nap, but sometimes he doesn't. Then it's bath time, another feed and bed!

So, I'm hoping that by implementing these new feeding habits, we will get him back on track and gaining weight like a champ. (He is 27 inches long, and weighs 14 lbs 10 ozs.)

I know I also promised an assessment of my new Baby Bre.zza baby food maker. I will just say that it is incredibly easy to use, easy to clean and small enough to store on my tiny kitchen counter. It will automatically puree after it is done steaming, but you can also set it to do just one or the other separately, which is handy. So far I have made peas, zucchini, green beans, butternut squash, sweet potato (these I baked in the oven and then pureed in the Bre.zza), apples and pears. He likes pretty much everything, though I would say maybe he isn't super-fond of the zucchini yet. Today he had 1/2 of an avocado mashed up, and he loved that! It was only the second time he has had it - the first time was at the very beginning and I didn't give him too much. And of course he loves bananas too.

I'm super tired right now, so this post is a bit disjointed, but I didn't want to put off writing it any longer. I have been so bad about blogging. But on the plus side, I've been having fun hanging out with the J-dog, which doesn't leave me a lot of time for the computer.

Born to travel

Perhaps because we had to travel in order to create our little J-dog, and indeed I was on a plane with "him" before he was even 3 days old in-utero, but I have to say that he is a natural-born traveler. Our trip to Italy was a huge success, and as suspected, he charmed the pants off of everyone he encountered along the way. Everything went very smoothly, and I was very impressed to see how many people were so helpful to me as a mom traveling by myself. I did curbside check-in, which was great, and the guy helped me with all my stuff all the way up to security inside the airport. (I was only checking one medium-sized suitcase, but then had to take with me to the gate the umbrella stroller, the car seat in a nifty backpack, a giant tote bag that also contained my diaper bag, my purse, and of course - the J-dog!) I initially had him in the carrier when going into the airport, but the Skycap recommended that I put him in the stroller because with the stroller in its bag, it looked like I had too much luggage. I was pretty sure I was entitled to all that stuff, but took his advice. That meant that I had to take J out of the stroller to go through security, and fold the stroller and put it on the belt. I was struggling to do this with him in my arms when a nice young woman behind me in line swooped in and took J from my arms. At first I was a little freaked because it happened so fast, but she was just standing there smiling and bouncing him, and I realized that she didn't speak any English but was just being helpful. So once I knew that this wasn't some international baby-snatching ring, I smiled in appreciation. And then the security woman came and whisked me through the gate - I'm not even sure if we went through a metal detector or not. We got through so quickly and the other security guys brought all my stuff over to another table where I thought they were going to inspect it, but they were just putting it there to get it off the belt so I could get myself re-organized again. Very nice.

I got to the gate 2 hours prior to departure because I had been told that to get a bulkhead seat and a bassinet, it was first-come, first-served at the gate. Of course no one showed up until about 45 mins before the flight. She was able to give me a bulkhead, but said that there was no bassinet on this plane. Let me just say that this was about the 5th different piece of information I had been given about bassinets. When I booked the flight months ago, they told me I could call reservations 48 hours ahead of time to request one. On a later call, I was told they were first-come, first-served at the gate. Then my dad, who actually took this same flight 5 days earlier than I did, called after he checked in to say that the woman at the desk in the Admir.als Club (yes, it was Am.erican) told him that they were now selling those seats and that I should call reservations to purchase one. I called and was again told it was first-come, first-served at the gate! So many different messages. So when the gate agent told me there was no bassinet on the plane, I just laughed. There was no place to put the car seat, so I gate-checked it. But I had brought it just in case there was an empty seat next to me. Plus, I did not want to risk the airline losing it, so did not want to check it. I'm happy with that choice. However, on the return flight I was told at check-in that it was a full flight and I went ahead and checked it. I knew that if I had to, I could use a car-service with a car seat to get home if they lost it.

Anyway, back to the flight. We got on the plane and got settled in, next to a nice enough guy who was pretty gracious about being next to a baby. When the flight attendants came for drink service, I asked if it would be ok to make a nest for the baby on the floor at my feet, since there was some extra room. He said, oh, let me get you the bassinet! Well what do you know! There was indeed a bassinet on the plane, right over our seat. He got it down, hooked it into the wall of the bulkhead in front of me. I had already fed the J-dog on take-off and he was getting ready to go to sleep (it was a little past his bedtime already). I rocked him a bit and tucked him into the bassinet, which was just barely long enough for him, and he fell asleep! He slept for pretty much the entire flight, until the sun started to come up and they came around with breakfast. So he was just great!

We were met at the airport by a dear old friend of mine, and he took us to his lovely apartment. We hung out, had a nap, and got settled into Italian time. I have to say that the J-dog got pretty well adjusted to the time change in about a day or two. It was great. We had a lovely long weekend in Milan with my friend and his partner (who by the way are embarking on their own journey to become fathers through an egg donor and gestational carrier here in the US, in California...that is another story in itself. But gay adoption is illegal in Italy, so this is their only option. More on that in another post.)

After three days, my friend drove us up to Lake Co.mo where we met up with my parents at an amazing villa owned by a colleague of my father. We had a lovely time the whole week, taking walks down to the town, going for a boat ride to Bella.gio, another to the town of Co.mo for some shopping (twice actually), eating lovely lunches out and having simple suppers at home in the evening after the J-dog went down to sleep. We got into a really nice rhythm and I have to say, it was hard to leave. I guess it would have been hard for anyone to leave, but I have to explain that I used to live in Italy, and at one point in my life thought I would stay there for good. I speak the language of course, and feel very much at home there. So coming home was bittersweet. Of course we both missed J very much and couldn't wait to see him. But a part of me felt it would be pretty neat to stay there for a much longer time.

On our last day at the lake, my friend came back up from Milan for the day and we just hung out, talking. I realized how much I miss him too, being able to just pick up right where we left off. (We have known each other for over 20 years, when he was an exchange student in high school. Indeed, he is the reason I started studying Italian in the first place, in college.) I told him that I was going to try to make more of an effort to get over to Italy more often, in the summers when I am not teaching. I would really like the J-dog to learn Italian, though it is difficult to speak to him in Italian at home since it seems strange to speak to him in a language that is not my mother-tongue (there is a reason they call it a mother-tongue, right??) But I did get him a bunch of books in Italian, and will make an effort to read them to him and talk a bit in Italian. I would love to be able to get an Italian nanny for him here in New York, but I'm sure it will cost me more. We'll see.

So, I will post a few pictures from our trip.

The Cathe.dral in Mi.lan

Chasing Pigeons

Getting ready for a nap


Detail of the villa. Our window is the one with closed shutters at the very top.

Our room. I love the sky on the ceiling. And they were very nice to provide us with a crib, though I'm not so sure about the color!

And someone didn't get the memo about no pillows or sheets for an infant, but I love extra pillows and made good use of this one for myself.

View of the lake from the waterfront of the town where we stayed.

Waiting for the boat.

He loved riding on the boats!

The Cath.edral in Co.mo.

Our trip home was very easy too, especially since my parents were making it with us. We were given 3 bulkhead seats together in the center, and also got a bassinet. He did not sleep very much on the way back though as it was daytime, but he ate a lot and got passed around between the three of us, so it was fine. I breezed through security in Milan, they even let him stay in the stroller, but "frisked" him under the seat, etc. I had several bottles of water as mothers are entitled to, but they made me taste it. Overall I have to say that traveling with a baby this age is pretty easy. It just takes some extra planning and strategic packing. I usually over-pack for myself but was very good about taking only 5 outfits for me for the 10 days. And only 3 pairs of shoes, which for me is unheard of!

That's enough for today I think. Next entry I'll let you know how feeding solids is going, and how I like the Bre.zza...(hint - very much!)

Five months!

Wow, I knew it had been a while since I updated, but didn't realize I'd let another month go by. Sorry for being such a bad blogger. In the meantime, we are at another month birthday for Mr. Bean. Actually, I am tired of calling him Mr. Bean, as that is so "in-utero". I am now going to call him what we often call him at home - the J-dog. Because that is his first initial, though he is not named for his dad. (And it is a reference to The Flight of the Conch.ords, a silly show we love.)

So, we had a great first family vacation in Cape Cod. We survived the hurricane with very little problem (it was mostly a lot of wind and we lost power for about 4 hours, but that's it). The J-dog seemed to really like the beach and the waves, though he did not enjoy having his toes dipped in the cold water.

Since returning from vacation, he has graduated from sleeping in a bassinet in our room to sleeping in his own big crib in his own room. He made the transition with no problem whatsoever - it was Mom and Dad who missed having him with them and were very sad. We have become pretty obsessive about watching him on our video monitor, to see what adorable sleep position he has assumed.

It's a good thing that we do have that video monitor, because we are able to see when he has rolled himself over onto his belly and gotten stuck. He can only roll one way, and then gets upset when he can't get himself back over to his back. He kept me on my toes for several hours on Friday night - continuously rolling back onto his tummy every time I left the room. It might be some sort of ploy to get me to come in for a visit! I will say that he has gotten better at doing his tummy time during the day though, because he has been practicing in his crib at night.

The J-dog has started eating some "solid" foods. So far it is more an exercise of practicing swallowing and getting used to a spoon, as well as exploring some new flavors. He just has one "snack" a day for now, and still gets all his real meals from nursing. We didn't really mean to start him on banana first, but it is often recommended as a natural first choice for baby food because it can just be mashed up without cooking. So last weekend on a lark I gave him a little taste when I was having my own breakfast and it was love at first bite. Since then we have introduced whole grain brown rice cereal, which he likes ok, and avocado which he likes more than the cereal but not as much as the banana. Next step will be to try some steamed and pureed veggies - I just hope that I haven't spoiled him by giving him the sweet fruit first. I plan to buy a baby food maker - I wasn't going to initially, but our kitchen is really small and I think I'd rather have a small appliance on the counter than have to deal with a pot with a steamer and then also a blender or food processor, both of which live high up on a shelf and rarely come down. I'm thinking of getting the Br.ezza - any thoughts?

So, as for the next adventure - the J-dog and I are headed to Italy this week. Yes, Italy. And yes, we are going without J. I will be flying over there on my own with the baby, but will be met at the airport by an old friend. We will stay with him for 3 days, and then will meet up with my parents who will be at a villa on Lake Como that belongs to a friend of my dad's. I just couldn't pass up this opportunity for a free trip (thanks to my parents) to Italy with the J-dog, since I am not teaching this semester. Fortunately we will all fly back to NYC together so they can help me with the J-dog on that portion of the trip. The flight over is at night, so he should sleep the whole way (please, please, please!), but the return is during the day so there will be lots of passing the baby around and entertaining him. I just hope he'll have some nice long naps.

I really do need to get better at the shorter, more frequent posts - I know it would be easier for me to find the time to write them, as well as for you guys to read. Thanks for your patience!

Just say thanks...

That's what I need to learn to do when someone tells me that Mr. Bean has my eyes. Because apparently his eyes do look like mine, or so I've been told several times. The first time was by a friend of mine who commented on a photo I posted on Fac.ebook. I could have sworn that I had told her we used donor egg, so I was confused by her comment. I did write to her to clear it up though, just because she is a good friend (though admittedly we've been a little out of touch over the last year) and for some reason I didn't want to feel like I was "putting one over" on her. I think because I knew if it were me in her place, I would want to know precisely so I would not look foolish by making such a comment. Anyway, she wrote me back and apologized for not realizing (I had indeed written her about it when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't really dwell on the egg donor part, so she hadn't noticed), and also for making me feel uncomfortable about the comment. There were absolutely no hard feelings, and I'm glad that I did let her know. But when I told J about it, he thought I was a little weird. He didn't see why I felt like I needed to tell her. I explained that it was just because she was a good friend.

So the next day I went to my Mommy and Me yoga class. The owner of the studio stopped by at the end of the class. She had been my teacher for pre-natal yoga and had not seen me since the week before my c-section, when I was desperately trying to get Mr. Bean to turn. When she saw him, she immediately said, "Oh, he's got your eyes!" I was once again surprised, because I forget that there isn't a big sign posted on his onesie that says "donor egg baby". I pulled myself together and said "You think so? That's so nice!" And that's just what I'm going to say from now on.

We are mostly packed up for our vacation - we leave tomorrow morning as soon as we pick up the rental car and get it loaded up with all our stuff. I can't believe how much stuff is needed for a two week trip to the beach with a baby. And I'm sure we'll both take too much, and also forget something. Oh well. All we really need is the three of us. This is our first family vacation together, and I'm looking forward to starting a tradition.

Finally, Mr. Bean is 4 months old today. He had his 4 month doctor's appointment and everything looks great.

I'll be off the air for a couple of weeks and am wishing R at One Egg Please all the best with her delivery next week!!!

Picture this

I have had a few requests for pictures of Mr. Bean, especially from Mrs. MTL. I want to explain my, probably, overly protective reasons for not posting identifiable photos. First of all, this is the internet and not password protected, and I just don't have any idea who is reading this blog. Although I have done my best to remain anonymous, I have given enough details of dates and other things that it is entirely possible that someone, and in particular our egg donor who knows what our match date and retrieval dates were, could identify us. Let me state for the record that although we did use an anonymous donor, I would not be adverse to meeting her down the line, or to having her see pictures of Mr. Bean. But I would want to be in control of that situation. (So, if you are reading donor, feel free to email me. But I'm not going to try to track you down or anything, so don't worry.)

That being said, I have started thinking more about our donor lately, and sometimes with sadness. I'm of course overjoyed to have our beautiful little boy, and for the most part I don't think of him as being anything other than 100% ours. But as he gets a little bigger and starts to have more facial expressions, we have been looking for signs of J in him. And while we often do find features that look like J, I've started noticing ways in which he looks like the childhood photos we have of our donor. We have been taking tons of pictures of him, and every time we load new photos on the computer we go through them very carefully, looking and commenting about each one. The other night there was a picture that really struck me. I shouldn't have said anything, but instead I remarked how his expression and eyes really looked like a photo we have of the donor. J agreed. And then he went and pulled up the donor photo, and put the two side by side. For some reason it made me really sad to see such concrete evidence that our baby is the product of her DNA. He asked me if I was ok, and could see that I was getting teary. He apologized for pulling up the picture, realizing that maybe he shouldn't have done it. I've just been trying not to think about it. I know I'll get over it, especially as he continues to grow into his own unique person.

Another anniversary

One year ago today, little Mr. Bean and I were united for the first time, and we've been inseparable ever since! Happy Transfer Day little guy.

In other big news, I got AF last night! I can't say I've missed it over the last year, but it is also kind of nice to have things back to "normal".

And on a related topic, I'm starting to think about birth control again. My OB gave me a prescription for the mini-pill, assuring me that it is safe, but I'm not sure that she is on top of the risks associated with hormones in a woman who has done multiple IVF stim cycles. I wonder if any of you out there have come across any studies or evidence that I should stay away from the hormones? I guess the mini-pill has no estrogen, just progesterone.

It does seem pretty absurd to me to have to even think about birth control; I mean what are the chances? And J. is planning to get a vasectomy, but I'm not sure how soon that will be. We do still need to discuss it, but if we were to try for another baby we would most likely just try with our frozen embryos and if that didn't work, we would be done. Or, I suppose we could even do another DE cycle with his sperm, which can still be extracted from him surgically. Or, I think we still have a back-up sample from him on ice at CCRM. So we have plenty of possibilities. And while there is also this tiny little fantasy inside me of having a miracle baby, I would be too afraid of having some abnormalities. Finally, when it comes right down to it, I have to admit that most likely Mr. Bean will be our one and only. Who could really ask for anything more?

Happy Conception Day Mr. Bean!

One year ago today, our little bundle of joy was created in a lab in Colorado. And today he is a laughing, kicking, squirming baby boy. It is so strange to think how far we have come, how far he has come, from a few splitting cells to the bigger than life baby he is now. What a difference a year makes.

We just got back from our trip this morning. I decided to stay away almost a week longer than originally planned, so I could spend more time with my family and also get a ride back to NYC with my parents rather than come back with J last Sunday by public transportation. We had a great time and Mr. Bean got to meet his little cousins, ages almost 5 and 2. They were very taken with him and did a great job of keeping him entertained. It was very sweet to see. And I really enjoyed my time out of the city, taking in the country air. It made me start to think more about how nice it would be to not live in the city any more. Fortunately we have got another nice vacation coming up in another 2 weeks, when we head out to Cape Cod. I could get used to this life of not working!