Here I am

After reading other people's IF blogs for over a year now, and becoming an obsessive poster on a certain IVF bulletin board, I have finally decided to take the plunge and start my own blog. Why now? Because I just failed my 5th IVF cycle in two years and need some help making sense of it all. That's 3 local cycles, and two at what is arguably the best clinic in the country, CCRM. Some of you reading this unfortunately know what it feels like to fail at the best clinic in the country, while many more have been so lucky as to find success there. And others still are checking in to see what to expect as you begin your own IVF journey. I'm not sure how much advice I'll have to offer, and I don't plan this blog to be an elementary introduction to IVF or CCRM. This is more likely to be the sometimes-bitter ramblings of a veteran, as the embryologist assisting with my last transfer called me. So I apologize if I am not as helpful as I could be, but I am writing this blog for me, in the hope that I will find some solace here, and maybe give some insight into the life of a regular 40 year old woman battling her ancient ovum.

Why did I choose this title for my blog? Well, it is in part inspired by the book of a certain famous RE, who just happens to be my doctor. But the truth is, I had already thought of that catchy title, "If at first you don't con.ceive", myself and was quite bemused when I discovered that super-famous RE had entitled his recent book the same thing. So I figured I would pick up where his title leaves off, since that is what I am doing. Interestingly, I just googled the title of my own blog, to see what other things are out there on the internets with the same name. I found an article called "Try, try again: What to expect from your second attempt at In Vitro Fertilization". HA!! I guess I should really call my blog "...try, try, try, try, try, try again", but that would just be ridiculous.

So anyway, here I am. Those of you who know me from the IVF world know that I just got word yesterday of my 5th BFN. (Well, technically it was only my 4th BFN because my third cycle didn't make it to transfer, but whatever...) So I am a little raw at this point, to say the least. My husband and I are trying to figure out our next steps, but I am hoping to try one more time with my own eggs, before possibly moving on to donor eggs. But right now, we have not been able to talk about it. And that is one of the things that pains me most - the impact this is having on our relationship. But I can't talk about that yet. That's it for today, and my inaugural post. Please do post a comment and let me know that you are following along. I'd love to hear from you.