Just say thanks...

That's what I need to learn to do when someone tells me that Mr. Bean has my eyes. Because apparently his eyes do look like mine, or so I've been told several times. The first time was by a friend of mine who commented on a photo I posted on Fac.ebook. I could have sworn that I had told her we used donor egg, so I was confused by her comment. I did write to her to clear it up though, just because she is a good friend (though admittedly we've been a little out of touch over the last year) and for some reason I didn't want to feel like I was "putting one over" on her. I think because I knew if it were me in her place, I would want to know precisely so I would not look foolish by making such a comment. Anyway, she wrote me back and apologized for not realizing (I had indeed written her about it when I found out I was pregnant, but didn't really dwell on the egg donor part, so she hadn't noticed), and also for making me feel uncomfortable about the comment. There were absolutely no hard feelings, and I'm glad that I did let her know. But when I told J about it, he thought I was a little weird. He didn't see why I felt like I needed to tell her. I explained that it was just because she was a good friend.

So the next day I went to my Mommy and Me yoga class. The owner of the studio stopped by at the end of the class. She had been my teacher for pre-natal yoga and had not seen me since the week before my c-section, when I was desperately trying to get Mr. Bean to turn. When she saw him, she immediately said, "Oh, he's got your eyes!" I was once again surprised, because I forget that there isn't a big sign posted on his onesie that says "donor egg baby". I pulled myself together and said "You think so? That's so nice!" And that's just what I'm going to say from now on.

We are mostly packed up for our vacation - we leave tomorrow morning as soon as we pick up the rental car and get it loaded up with all our stuff. I can't believe how much stuff is needed for a two week trip to the beach with a baby. And I'm sure we'll both take too much, and also forget something. Oh well. All we really need is the three of us. This is our first family vacation together, and I'm looking forward to starting a tradition.

Finally, Mr. Bean is 4 months old today. He had his 4 month doctor's appointment and everything looks great.

I'll be off the air for a couple of weeks and am wishing R at One Egg Please all the best with her delivery next week!!!

Picture this

I have had a few requests for pictures of Mr. Bean, especially from Mrs. MTL. I want to explain my, probably, overly protective reasons for not posting identifiable photos. First of all, this is the internet and not password protected, and I just don't have any idea who is reading this blog. Although I have done my best to remain anonymous, I have given enough details of dates and other things that it is entirely possible that someone, and in particular our egg donor who knows what our match date and retrieval dates were, could identify us. Let me state for the record that although we did use an anonymous donor, I would not be adverse to meeting her down the line, or to having her see pictures of Mr. Bean. But I would want to be in control of that situation. (So, if you are reading donor, feel free to email me. But I'm not going to try to track you down or anything, so don't worry.)

That being said, I have started thinking more about our donor lately, and sometimes with sadness. I'm of course overjoyed to have our beautiful little boy, and for the most part I don't think of him as being anything other than 100% ours. But as he gets a little bigger and starts to have more facial expressions, we have been looking for signs of J in him. And while we often do find features that look like J, I've started noticing ways in which he looks like the childhood photos we have of our donor. We have been taking tons of pictures of him, and every time we load new photos on the computer we go through them very carefully, looking and commenting about each one. The other night there was a picture that really struck me. I shouldn't have said anything, but instead I remarked how his expression and eyes really looked like a photo we have of the donor. J agreed. And then he went and pulled up the donor photo, and put the two side by side. For some reason it made me really sad to see such concrete evidence that our baby is the product of her DNA. He asked me if I was ok, and could see that I was getting teary. He apologized for pulling up the picture, realizing that maybe he shouldn't have done it. I've just been trying not to think about it. I know I'll get over it, especially as he continues to grow into his own unique person.

Another anniversary

One year ago today, little Mr. Bean and I were united for the first time, and we've been inseparable ever since! Happy Transfer Day little guy.

In other big news, I got AF last night! I can't say I've missed it over the last year, but it is also kind of nice to have things back to "normal".

And on a related topic, I'm starting to think about birth control again. My OB gave me a prescription for the mini-pill, assuring me that it is safe, but I'm not sure that she is on top of the risks associated with hormones in a woman who has done multiple IVF stim cycles. I wonder if any of you out there have come across any studies or evidence that I should stay away from the hormones? I guess the mini-pill has no estrogen, just progesterone.

It does seem pretty absurd to me to have to even think about birth control; I mean what are the chances? And J. is planning to get a vasectomy, but I'm not sure how soon that will be. We do still need to discuss it, but if we were to try for another baby we would most likely just try with our frozen embryos and if that didn't work, we would be done. Or, I suppose we could even do another DE cycle with his sperm, which can still be extracted from him surgically. Or, I think we still have a back-up sample from him on ice at CCRM. So we have plenty of possibilities. And while there is also this tiny little fantasy inside me of having a miracle baby, I would be too afraid of having some abnormalities. Finally, when it comes right down to it, I have to admit that most likely Mr. Bean will be our one and only. Who could really ask for anything more?

Happy Conception Day Mr. Bean!

One year ago today, our little bundle of joy was created in a lab in Colorado. And today he is a laughing, kicking, squirming baby boy. It is so strange to think how far we have come, how far he has come, from a few splitting cells to the bigger than life baby he is now. What a difference a year makes.

We just got back from our trip this morning. I decided to stay away almost a week longer than originally planned, so I could spend more time with my family and also get a ride back to NYC with my parents rather than come back with J last Sunday by public transportation. We had a great time and Mr. Bean got to meet his little cousins, ages almost 5 and 2. They were very taken with him and did a great job of keeping him entertained. It was very sweet to see. And I really enjoyed my time out of the city, taking in the country air. It made me start to think more about how nice it would be to not live in the city any more. Fortunately we have got another nice vacation coming up in another 2 weeks, when we head out to Cape Cod. I could get used to this life of not working!