Reminders

For those of you who think that I'm just living in my happy little baby bubble and don't ever stop to think about everything that we have been through over the past several years, here is a post for you. Of course I think about it, all the time. I still pop onto IVFC pretty regularly to keep up with you guys over there, though I can't really bring myself to read too much about people who are actively cycling. It is too hard to remember all that pain. Unless I already have a "relationship" with someone on the boards, I just can't get involved in a new story - there are just too many women out there who are still struggling and of course I feel for all of them, but I just can't go there. It is still too painful for me.

They say that the sense of smell is the most evocative of past memories, and I couldn't agree more. The other day I needed to disinfect a blister on my foot, so I got out the alcohol. As soon as I opened the bottle, the smell was overwhelming. All of a sudden I was standing in the kitchen of our previous apartment with all my meds and syringes spread out on the counter in front of me, wiping my belly with an alcohol swab, preparing to give myself the first, second, third, fourth, or even fifth shot of the day. It was such a powerful blast of memory, it almost made me cry.

Also the other day, I was cutting up a nice fresh pineapple for a fruit salad. That also brought me back to several transfers when I decided that I would try eating pineapple to help with implantation (even the last transfer, which was successful - but most likely because of nice healthy donor eggs and nothing to do with eating pineapple). This time I got to cut out the core and throw it away, rather than including a bit of the chewy, fibrous part in every bite. And in fact, there is still some of that pineapple in the fridge right now - I think I'll go have some.